Bridgette Laver Parental Alienation and child abuse
Since Feb 22 2018 to April 20 2021 Bridgette has allowed NO ADDITIONAL TIME WITH OUR CHILDREN. Even though I continue to ask. That's 1,154 Days.

The Kansas Swordman


Bridgette Lavers online pseudonym is VikkyShane

Bridgette Laver is a liar and a bully that has made various false allegations against me. I don't acquiesce to bullies. This website is my protest against Bridgette Lavers false allegations and the unequal treatment received from the family court system in Iowa.

Fuck all of you hypocrites.


Matthew Hudson Harlan Iowa Lawyer Destoryed by David Z Ostrom, an IT Guy.

Matthew Hudson Harlan Iowa Lawyer Destoryed by David Z Ostrom, an IT Guy. On 2/25/2021

non desistas non exieris

If you don't have a sword, sell your cloak and buy one

My metaphorical Trial By Combat and real personal struggle with my ex-wife, Bridgette Marie Laver, and the Iowa Family Court System

Bridgette and her mama on audio, are these examples of good parenting?

Amendment I.

Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.

Victory is sweetest where the battle is greatest, and that is how life is. When you look at all you have overcome to win the hardest battle, you will be more than proud of yourself.

Jesse Smith

The above picture is of Bridgette's boyfriend. She allows him to sleep in the same bed as her AND our children. Our Son is 5 and our Daughter is 10. Our Son complained to me of this arrangement. Bridgette admitted to this fact in court, on the record. Jesse Smith, originally of Glenwood IA, had a pretty prolific posting persona on Reddit under the pseudonym Mobius_Striping_Inc, though, after exposing his thousands of sexual fetish posts, he deleted his reddit account. Unfortunately for him, I scraped and backedup all his posts prior to him deleting them. Among his posts were a post where he noted that he finds children "attractive" and also a post where he expressed concern of being caught having an erection around children (and caused by viewing children). In another post he assures a 16 year old it's ok to have sex with a 40 year old, morally speaking. I refer to him as a pedophile, because my understanding is adults that find children attractive, and/or are sexually aroused by children, are in fact pedophiles. I know Jesse and Mobius are the same person because I do my research and due diligence. Jesse Smith and Mobius can be matched up on at least 10 different data points. I've found 2 points of data gets you close to a match, 3 data points are almost certainly a match, 4+ data points matching up is without a doubt a 100% match. I have 10+.

Jesse Smith

The Iowa Family Courts have their order of precedence wrong. State statutes DO NOT trump the US and State Constitutions. The Constitution takes precedence, always.

I demand my natural rights, and the natural rights of my children, I am not ashamed for doing so. The US and State Constitutions DO NOT grant me, or any of us, our rights, the Constitution simply recognizes the existence of our inherent rights.

The US Supreme Court recognizes that the right to Parent your children is a FUNDAMENTAL right.

The Courts, and their officers, have a DUTY, to uphold all litigants RIGHTS EQUALLY. I'm sick and tired of these people treating me as if I'm somehow less of a person, deserving only of the rights which they see fit to allow me. I retain all of my rights.

However, I often prefer, the more to-the-point summary by Rage: Fuck you, I won't do what you tell me.

My Ex-Wife, Bridgette, maintains a website on GOFUNDME where she denigrates me and begs for money to fight me in court. It is rather confounding the Courts find it disturbing that I maintain a website where I express my displeasure with the unequal treatment I receive and talk about my frustration in dealing with the Courts and Bridgette, however, Bridgette is allowed to maintain a website where she quite literally makes things up, outright lies about me, makes false allegations and then begs for money to deny me access to our children. The disparity in equal treatment is mind-boggling. I'm not particularly sure why shes so interested in denying me equal custody, since thats all I'm asking for, and this website is my response to her bullshit. All I'm interested in, ultimately, is equal custody with our children, as that is, per modern psychological studies, the BEST outcome for children. I believe I'm trying to do what is best for our children, but am being prevented from doing so by Bridgette with the aid of the, biased, Family Court System. I have every intention of maintaining my fight for equality until it is achieved. I refuse to be broken by the system. Were I to give up, what sort of example would that give our children? When faced with adversity, quit? What am I supposed to tell my Son when he grows up? Fathers do not matter as much as Mothers? I will not quit. I refuse to quit.

The court room proceedings all began with me arguing modern psychology and noting for the court that the best outcome for our children is equal time and access to BOTH parents. For this argument the court told me I was NOT an expert in the field of psychology and that in the Iowa Courts the Court follows the LAW. Thus, eventually, after many attempts to find a path to equality, I finally, in frustration and irritation filed for Trial by Combat. Trial by Combat, historically IS the appropriate method for resolving property disputes (we were arguing over selling our home and payment of property taxes - Bridgette refused to pay her portion of property taxes and caused a tax lien to be levied against our property). I also appropriately filed a Motion requesting Trial by Combat (IE, I didn't threaten anyone or take the law into my own hands), I did what the Court expects of litigants that can't solve a problem among themselves. I petitioned the court to intervene and weigh in, and I suggested an alternate dispute resolution method (Trial by Combat). The Courts response was to call me disturbing and order a Psych Eval. I found this ironic, as when I argued modern psychology, they told me to follow the law. Now, that I was technically arguing the law, they called me disturbing and argued modern psychology holds the answer. Sadly I assume the irony of these events are lost on most involved in this case. Or, perhaps, as the psychologist involved speculated, the Courts found themselves embarrassed by my brashness and endeavored to make an example of me and punish me. At this point I'm unsure what to believe, but the lack of congruency on the part of the Courts is obvious.

Hello, world!

My name is David Zachary Ostrom. You may have heard of me refereed to as 'The Kansas Sword-man', a silly moniker, to be sure, but one I now hold regardless. I would have preferred, perhaps, The Last Samurai of Kansas, but here we are. How did I get such a silly moniker, you might ask, well, in January of 2020 I challenged my Ex-Wife, or her Champion, her attorney Matthew Hudson, to a Trial by Combat with melee weapons. Spoiler alert, they both declined, citing worries of losing the ability to vote (LOL RLY?) and possibly suffering death, then they called me crazy! It should be noted Mr Hudson argued, based upon an old ruling that dueling was illegal, that they could stand to lose their voting rights by participating in a "duel" aka Trial by Combat. Unfortunately for Mr Hudson his research of the law is poor. The law he referrenced, outlawing dueling in Iowa, was reversed in 1992, as it was found to violate the equal protection clause of the Constitution. See, the ban on dueling created two unequal classes of people. Those who duel, that then, by dueling, lose their right to vote, and those who do not duel, and thereby retain their full rights to voting. A clear and obvious violation of the equal protection clause.

A more poignant question, I think, is why am I considered crazy for being willing to lay down my life for equality for myself and our children? Why am I called crazy for expecting equality in America and in the American court system? If anything, the system and my Ex-Wife are the ones that appear crazy when arguments are compared. That is, I think, quite self-evident.

I responded by assuring them they need not suffer death, they could simply yield and allow me equal time and access to our Children. They declined, insisting instead, that I submit to a Psychological evaluation. The subsiquent Psych Eval revealed that I am quite normal, and suffer from no Pathology of any kind. I do, however, expect rules to be followed by all parties, and find it angering that some are allowed more rights while others, such as myself, are granted less rights.

The Psychological Evaluation was an interesting process to take part in. I initially talked to a couple of, in their own words, normal shrinks. While they were sympathtic and ultimately agreed, after talking to me for a couple of hours, that I was not crazy, violent, prone to anger, or dangerous; they ultimately recommended that I speak with, and be evaluated by a Forensic Psychologist, as that was the appropraite response to a Court Ordered Psych Eval. Thus I finally located, and received an evaluation, from a Forensic Psychologist in the Kansas City area. The full evaluation took roughly the entirety of a day and included a barrage of tests and an in-person interview. The experience was also not free, and not covered by insurance.

Thankfully, the Judge in the matter, had enough wherewithal to acknowledge the results of the Psych Eval and fully restore my parenting time as it existed prior to being restricted by Bridgette and Mr Hudson's assinine Motion to deny me parenting time.

They weren't alone, in assuming I was crazy, that position appears to have been a common reaction when people learned of my court filing for Trial by Combat in a custody case. Let me assure you though, I have undergone a full psychological evaluation, and I am, quite sane. I just don't like being treated unequally, in any facet of life, and most certainly not when it comes to being denied access and relationship to my own children, whom I love and care about more than anything in the world.

Instead, my filing was my best attempt at thumbing my nose at the entire Family Court system. I felt, and still feel, quiet powerless as a non-custodial parent, and in my years leading up to the Trial by Combat filing I learned it was very unlikely I would ever win any sort of meaningful battle in the Family Court System. Knowing this, then why not stop playing like everyone else who had come before me, stop doing what everyone else did, and instead do something brazen, something outlandish, and try to draw attention to the failures and inequalities of the Family Court System?

When all else fails and you're likely to lose anyway, then why not try an unconventional approach? Nothing to lose anyway, right?

Truth be told, I barely expected the filing to get much of any attention or reaction. I thought, maybe, at best, I might get a blurb in a local paper. However, for at least a few times, throughout 2020, the initial article, and the subsequent follow-up articles, hit a 72 hour news cycle pretty hard. If nothing else, I count this as the best trolling attempt of my life. Amusing, if not effective.

My Ex-Wife likes to read books. I'm going to endeavor to write a book about my experiences divorcing her, note that the divorce was her choice, and now she appears to use our children at every opportunity in an attempt to harm me. Perhaps she will enjoy reading about my experience as I document it here, but I doubt it! I don't hate her, but I am not happy with the way she has treated me or our children during and after our divorce. Thus, this website is my outlet for expressing my displeasure with her actions, and of course, with expressing my displeasure with the unequal treatment from the Family Court System. I hope you enjoy reading about it as much as I will enjoy writing about this experience. I hope this account of my negative experiences in the Family Court System is a wake up call to the powers-that-be, divorce attorneys, judges, senators, representatives, and other associated actors in the Judicial and Family Court System to work toward a better system that actually helps family's and strives to maintain all parties Constitutional rights. I refuse to be quiet about this subject, I fear no consequences, and I will never stop until, either, I am dead or I receive equal treatment in the Family Court System. As an absolute minimum I view equality as 182.5 days of custody between both parents. Of course, this could all be the height of my own stupidity and result in nothing more than the equivalent of me pissing in the wind. Maybe someday we'll get a definite answer one way or the other.

You might ask yourself, what would drive this idiot to motion the court for a sword fight with his ex-wife and/or opposing counsel? Well we certainly didnt start proceedings at that point. Every story has a beginning, and the beginning of our divorce story started in February of 2018. Bridgette and I found ourselves in the middle of a verbal arguement one evening toward the end of the month of February and things escalated to heated words and mean sentiments hurled at each other. There was no physical violence or any sort of altercation in that sense. We argued with each other, and you might even go so far as to say we yelled at one another. To the best of my recollection we agreed to talk to each other the following day after we had both calmed down, but, while I was at work Bridgette was packing her things and getting the kids ready to leave, and she did leave, taking our kids away from our marital home and leaving me with no idea what was going on. If you can believe it, the argument was over a card game and over me feeling neglected by my wife. Well, let me tell you, after 2.5+ years of a prolonged divorce and custody case where I now find myself the victim of various false allegations of abuse, child abuse, neglect, failure to provide critical care, being denied access and participation in my childrens counseling and likely many other things I can't think of off the top of my head, I'm NOT feeling any less neglected or unappreciated! If anything, over the course of the last 2+ years I've felt nothing more than absolutely marginalized and vilified.

Over the course of the next couple of days I attempted to communicate with Bridgette, but she gave no indication of if she was coming back, divorcing me or what. Having no idea what was going on and if she'd let me see our kids I reached out to an attorney and filed for Custody, else, my largest concern was that if I just remained silent and let her take the kids away it would look as if I was NOT interested or concerned with the children being gone. My first thought was to try and keep in contact with our children. Bridgette eventually responded by stating I could see the kids every other weekend, which really meant, in practice, as I soon found out, that I could see our Son for a few hours Saturday and Sunday, and our Daughter could stay the night from Friday until Sunday. Unhappy with this ridiculous arrangement, I continued to ask for joint custody and pushed ahead toward Custody hearing.

Initially our first hearing in April of 2018 led to me receiving the following Custody arrangement.

Every other weekend from Friday at 5PM until Sunday at 5PM and every Wednesday from 6pm until 9pm, with both children.

Believe me, being 260 miles away from your children and being told you get every Wednesday evening from 6pm to 9pm for a 'dinner' visit, so long as your provide all the travel yourself, is a bitter sweet victory, at very best. Exercising this time meant I left work early on Wednesdays and drove all the way across the state of Iowa. I then spent 3 hours with our children, dropped them off with Bridgette, then drove home. I then went to bed around midnight, and some nights got up around 2AM to start maintenance work on work systems. For months, this was my waking nightmare, kindly provided by Bridgette and the Iowa Courts. Thank you all, so much.

Still, I viewed this as a minor victory, and it was at least better than what Bridgette ever allowed, since absconding with the children, however this was obviously unequal treatment, so onward we proceeded with the court battle.

Keep in mind now, that at this time Bridgette has moved from Washington Co Iowa to Shelby Co Iowa, a distance of 260 miles away. I had also motioned the Court to keep the children in the Washington Co area until trial, however the Court denied my motion and allowed Bridgette to simply move our children out of our home and take them 260 miles away with no recourse what-so-ever.

Think of that, suddenly, overnight, the person you most trusted had now egregiously betrayed you and stolen your children away and moved them quite literally as far from you as she possibly could. A feeling of despair washed over me that is difficult to explain to another person if you have not experienced it personally.

I will work my way back here and detail more of the events of February 2018 to December of 2018, when we finally had our divorce and custody Trial, but for the time-being I will note the following. After Trial in 2018, and after me moving 260 miles across the state of Iowa to be as near as possible to our children, the Court saw fit to ONLY allow me every other Thursday evening at 6pm until Sunday at 6pm along with every Tuesday evening from 6pm to 9pm. Now, initially you might think this also something of a victory, more custody than I started with, right? The caveat here is thus. My income was imputed at $72,000 dollars per year. We were now living in Harlan Iowa, in Shelby Co Iowa, a statistical area where the per capita income for individuals is, per Wikipedia, $17,500. Also note, Harlan Iowa had all of two IT jobs available, I normally work as a Network or System Admin, the IT jobs in Harlan paid between 20k-40k a year. None of these realities mattered to the court. Unfortunately, being unable to financially continue in the area I lived, due to not being able to find local employment for the imputed income level determined by the court, I moved to the KCK/KCMO area, where the starting salary for a Network/System Admin is in-line with the level at which the Court imputed my income at. Bridgettes assertions that I chose to move away are disgusting, I was forced out by a biased system that is perfectly fine with bankrupting me, while she sits in Harlan Iowa earning a reported $27k per year, by her own choice, under-employeed. She has 3 bachelors degrees and 12 years of work experience, but barely makes an income. Spare me the nonsense.

After the Psych Eval came back and the Court resumed my parenting time, a process which only took a matter of days after petitioning the Court; the Court, per their rules of Civil proceedure, ordered my Ex-Wife and I to participate in mediation. I had initially spoken to the mediator earlier in 2020, she indicated she would not move forwad with mediation until the Court made if very clear they expected mediation to take place. Thus I specifically motioned the Court to order the mediator to, well, mediate. The hearing regarding this was fairly short and the Judge agreed mediation would move forward. So, overthe next couple of months, roughly May through July, Bridgette and I engaged in caucus style mediation.

Caucus style mediation is essentially where the mediator talks to each parent separately at different times, gathers information, then goes and does the same with the other parent. This was expected to go back and forth, from one of us then back to the other, until we reached a rough draft of individual parenting plans and expectations, then we would start, still through caucus style mediation, narrowing down and agreeing on a unifed parenting plan. The mediator initially estimated 200+ hours of mediation. Personally I found this a bit extreme.

However, I was happy to be participating in mediation, and hopeful mediation might actually lead somewhere rather than just continue with pointless he said, she said, arguing in the court filings, hearings, trials. I participated in a couple 3 or 4 hour long Zoom sessions where the Mediator and I hashed out my draft parenting plan. I do not know if Bridgette ever finished her Draft parenting plan, we were supported to each finish drafts than collaborate via the mediator to finalize a jointly agreed on parenting plan. Before any of that could happen our Daughter had an anxiety attack over the summer, where she woke up one evening and told me she was very upset over anticipation of the upcoming car ride (the kids have to go 4 hours between homes via a car ride, Harlan IA to Paola KS). I spoke with my daughter for awhile an assured her things we be ok and told her not to worry, she wanted to talk to her mother, so I tried reaching Bridgette, but got no answer, so I gave a follow up email telling her about our Daughters anxiety. Bridgette later responded, but after our daughter had settled down and gone back to sleep. A few days after the kids went back to their mother, I received a NEW ALLEGATION OF ABUSE AND ANNOUNCEMENT OF ABUSE INVESTIGATION FROM IOWA DHS. This was again Bridgettes doing, and Bridgette was now accusing me of abusing our kids because our daughter had anxiety. I reached out to the Mediator and asked her to intervene, as I felt Bridgette wasn't participating in the spirit of finding resolutions via Mediation and instead was fixated on fabricating wrongdoings by me. The mediator declined to help and stated we should resolve this with the court. Bridgette also told me she was ending my summer parenting time because she decided I wasn't following Court orders. The Court said I could have make up parenting time/additional summer parenting time of 6 weeks total so long as I completed 9 counseling sessions. I did complete those and did complete proof as soon as it was available, yet Bridgette simply decided she could tell me no and revoke my parenting time. I again asked the mediator for help and again the mediator told us we should just seek court help. So I petitioned the Judge to confirm he had received proof of my filings and that I was still allowed to exercise all my parenting time, the Judge responded that I could. Bridgette let parenting time continue, however she again motioned the Court implying that she thought I was lying about attending therapy sessions with a counselor, the Judge stated he had no reason to believe I was and my parenting time should continue, but Bridgette could do discovery if she wanted and if she found evidence I was doing something fishy, he'd revisit his ruling. At this point I was again irritated, I followed up with my counselor got writting proof of all appointments had her sign them and again submitted more proof I'd be doing what I said I'd been doing, even though I didn't have to file additional proof, I did anyway.

I have tried to bury the hatchet and move forward, but Bridgette and her attorney keep dragging us back into court.

Let's look at some of the antics that Bridgette has engaged in:

During 2018 the Court specifically allowed me telephone contact with our children daily, I would call to tell them I loved them, ask about their day and wish them goodnight.

However, after Trial in 2018, the only comment the Court made regarding telephone/electronic contact, was that I would be allowed 'RESONABLE' contact. This immediately became a point of contention. I tried maintaining the previous schedule we had already maintained for nearly a year and called each evening. I was met with unanswered calls, changed phones numbers, and calls that immediately rang through to voicemail. Sometimes I would go a week or more without ever hearing from the children. Bridgette and her lawyer refused to discuss this disagreement. Mr Hudson called me names and threatened me, Bridgette endeavored to tell me that the children were choosing NOT to talk to me and were otherwise busy and engaged in activities that prevented them from making time to talk to me.

After a few months of this behavior, Bridgette denying telephone and electronic contact, I then filed for rule to show cause (contempt). We had a hearing in the Summer of 2019 where I showed phone records which indicated most phone calls immediately going to voicemail and argued Bridgette had been denying contact, also submitting various emails where she flat out refused to allow me to speak to the children. The Judges response was to state there was not compelling enough evidence to determine contempt. The Judge also went on to state that, per the law, he was not able to allow Bridgette to receive compensation from ME for legal/attorney fees, but, however, if it were up to him, he would have had me pay Bridgettes legal/attorney fees. I found this to be absolutely infuriating, I go to court, show contempt, literally hundreds of denied calls, and the Judges response is to metaphorically slap me in the face and let Bridgette get away with it. There is no justice in family court system, I personally think it is all a racket and charade.

I made dozens of requests to spend more time with our Children in 2018, each and every single request I made was denied by Bridgette. She would state that the children were too busy with their cousins or someone else to spend anytime with me, or she would site the distance was too far, even if I offered to take time off from work and do all the driving, and even maintained a second residence in Harlan Iowa devoted to being able to spend more time with our children. None of my efforts were ever good enough.

The truth is, Bridgette hates me more than she loves our children. Bridgette takes all of the money I pay monthly in child support and immdiately turns around and gives it to Mr Hudson, who then fights me in court to deny me equal access to our children. Tell me again how I'm crazy.

In April of 2018 Bridgette enrolled our Daughter, unilaterally, in counseling with a counselor by the name of Katrina Smith at BHS Dept Myrtue Medical Center in Harlan Iowa. Bridgette did this without my knowledge or consent, I later found her initial contact and interview with the counselor involved Bridgette, as well as Bridgettes mother, Eva Laver, telling the counselor that I had physically abused and terrorized our children. This began a tumultuous relationship between the counselor and myself. The counselor being a manditory reporter immediately reported me to Iowa DHS for concerns of abuse. Our children were interviewed, as was Bridgette and myself, the Child Protective Worker made a finding of NO ABUSE. Little did I know, this was only the first of many false allegations of abuse to come. I have since reached out to Myrtue Medical many times in attempts to get updates regarding my children, records of their treatment, and be involved in their care. The hospital refuses to give me any information or allow any involvement what-so-ever. Even though, presently, Iowa DHS has recommended that the counselor, Katrina Smith, be changed, and that I, be involved in our children's treatment. The hospital and Bridgette still persist in secret treatment of our children and no involvement by either parent. A strategy that makes no sense at all.

In October of 2018 I reached out to Myrtue Medical and provided them with audio recordings of Bridgette's mother verbally abusing our daughter. At one point Bridgette's mother said the following to our daughter (who was upset over an article of clothing, and crying). Also keep in mind that at this time our Daughter was 7 and 8 years old over the course of 2018. Eva Laver to our Daughter: "I don't want to look at your cry, why don't you go over there to that other table and wallow in your pity by yourself, have your own pity party". Upon sharing my concerns with Myrtue Medical and Katrina Smith, their compliance officer, Ann Buman, responded by telling me I should stop trying to involve them in my divorce case, and that I was harassing them. I was additionally informed that Myrtue Medical would be blocking my email address and refuse to accept any further email communication from me. If I desired any further communication with the Hospital I was to either Fax them, call them, or show up in person to share any information with them. I'm not sure how informing my Daughters counselor about maltreatment by a family member is harassment. If anything I found their response to be very biased. Generally I have found the hospitals approach to dealing with this conflict to be rather juvenile and, frankly, stupid. We certainly haven't gotten anywhere productive.

In 2019 I noted to Bridgette our Son was upset and missed spending time with me and wanted to spend more time together. Bridgette did not bother to respond to me or attempt any kind of communication with me at all. Instead Bridgette's response to this was to enroll our Son, who was 3 years old at the time, into counseling for adjustment disorder. Rather than allow our Son an increased amount of time and relationship with me, his Father, she instead saw fit to just have him see a counselor. At 3 years old I'm not sure what sort of effective relationship a child of that age can have with a counselor. Addtionally disturbing is the fact that I attended the initial meeting with this potential counselor, Liz, after doing an assessment and not finding a specific diagnosis she offered to "up code" our Son to a diagnosis of Adjustment Disorder so that medicare/medicaid would pay for treatment. This is fraud. I later had the hospital investigated for medicare/medicaid fraud by CMS. I am not sure what drives a parent to so ardently commit to denying the other parent time and relationship with their own children. I can only assume this is some form of significant mental illness as no abuse ever existed in our relationship.

The worst part of this is there really is no reason for all this conflict and nonsense. Bridgette simply refuses to communicate or cooperate and I have no recourse to make her behave any better. I have no control of anything, and if I did have any degree of control, I would just agree to equal treatment for both of us and equal time and access to our children. It is unbelievably frustrating to be sidelined in the lives of your own children and continually told you are the lesser parent when all you want is what is best for your children.

Life isn't fair. I have suffered no greater loss than that of my relationship to my children, and my heart aches to think of the pain our children are also going through, while I am prevented from being available to help them through this awful situation in life.

I have watched my Daughter change over the course of the past 2, almost 3 years. She has gone from an open, talkative, confident kid into a withdrawn, anxiety riddled adolescent. A girl that was once so talkative and outspoken is now often closed off and afraid to speak her mind more often than not. This is not what I wanted for either of my children. I wanted them to have a fun, happy, fruitful childhood, where they were confident to express themselves, grow, learn and openly express themselves with the encouragement of their parents. Instead I see my Daughter caught in the middle of her parents conflict unable to deal with the poor situation that is unfolding, and I feel prevented from being available to guide and help her.

I have had many sleepless nights over the past few years worrying about everything. Feelings of helplessness and hopelessness have crept in from time-to-time. Though often short-lived, it has been a very bad feeling, and starting ones life over again at 40 years old is not exactly the most exciting of prospects. I mourn the loss of the life that I had hoped for and envisioned for my children. It now lies in a pile of rubble that I cannot see a solution to rebuilding when the other parent is insistent on total war. I feel trapped in a cycle of conflict that I cannot relieve myself of. Conversely I refuse to give up because I worry of the life my children would live if my influence were completely cut off. I have read many stories of parents, usually Fathers, that after years of conflict simply give up because the emotional cost of continuing is too much to pay. Greater than my own continued suffering through this undesired struggle, would be abandoning my own children, so as much as I detest the continued fight, I would hate myself more were I to simply give up. An internal conflict that is difficult to deal with as well.

Also, I think I would be remiss to not mention that my anger has kept me going, kept me moving forward. I've used my anger as a motivator, a crutch of sorts that has kept me proped up, kept me motivated and in the fight. I fully believe had I avoided anger, then hopelessness and helplessness would have overcome me at some point in the past few years and persuded me into giving up in favor of self preservation, in my own interest of not feeling bad and just having a way to stop the emotional pain that I have experienced. I've fought back those, proverbial demons, by wrapping myself in the armor of anger. Anger has been my coping mechacnism.

I assert that I am not the crazy party in this situation. I'm just a person, with normal feelings; a Father that loves his children more than himself. It is presently 2020 and the tide and standard across the country is changing from one that favored Mothers having primary custody to a realization that joint, shared equal custody is truly in the best interests of the children. Each year more states adopt a position of shared parenting and doing whats proven, scientifically, by modern, psychology to be best for children and families. The crazy party is the one that holds on to old, outdated ideas born in the 60's and 70's that attest to children needing only the care and guidance of a Mother. While I agree Mothers are important in the lives of their children, I also strongly believe Fathers are equally important, and, that a Father that desires to be equally involved in his childrens lives, should absolutely NOT be prevented from doing so. It should be the standard and starting point of all custody issues.

It's also profoundly frustrating to feel as though I have my children's best interests at heart, but I am not able to successfully express to those involved how I am trying my best to help and support our children while being prevented from doing so by our childrens other parent. Often times, over the course of the past 2 years my own anger and frustration has gotten the best of me. I am not ashamed of being angry and frustrated, I fully believe I would have to be crazy were I not angry given the events of the past 2+ years. However, I do wish that I had been able to have found a better way to persuade those involved to listen to me better and hear and see what I have been trying to show them.

Over the course of the past 2+ years I have been falsely accused of the following, sometimes repeatidly:

Abusing our children
Abusing our children physcially
Abusing our children mentally
Abusing our children emotionally
Sexually abusing our children (this was heavily implied in Bridgettes answers to discovery questions)
Denying critical care
Various other false allegations by Bridgette, the childrens counselor, and Bridgettes friends

New in 2021
In court I asked Bridgette:
If she thought I was better or worse than a pedophile: She said she didn't know
If she thought everyone would be better off if I stopped seeing our kids and just kept sending child support: She said yes
If she thought I was a bad parent: She said yes
Who she thought had the most influence over our children: Didn't know

Note: She is the primary parent, but doesn't know she has the most influence over our children.

I would also like to note the following:

I have passed a sanity test, I have no PATHOLOGY.
I have no mental illness.
I have no criminal record, NONE.
I have no history of abuse.
The police were NEVER called during our relationship

I'd like to thank the following people and organizations, without whom, none of these experiences would have been possible!

Thank you all, so much, for this opportunity to do something meaningful in life.

Bridgette Marie Laver
Matthew J Hudson of Hudson Law
Myrtue Medical
Barry Jacobson
Katrina Smith
Ann Buman
Iowa DHS
The Iowa Judicial Board
The Iowa Department of Health - Psychology
Judge Gookin
Judge Craig Dreismeier
Judge Shawn Showers
Judge Michael D Hooper
Eva Laver
James Laver
The State of Iowa
Holly Heusinkveld - She likes to sell and smoke weed, and she filed a bunch of false allegations against me, thanks fucker.

The Legal System in Iowa and my Ex-Wife are the most heinous kind of thieves. They have stolen time itself from our kids and I.

You have been fined 1 credit for a violation of the verbal morality statute


David Ostrom


Bridgette lies on her GOFUNDME website and says that she has never denied me "visitation". This is nonsense, the opposite is true, she never allows me additional or equal parenting time, all of my requests go denied. Below you will find a number of my attempts to spend more time with our children from 2018, the answer was always NO. I eventually stopped asking, because the answer of NO never changes. Bridgette's just a shithead liar.

It's funny, a Father expecting, wanting, and demanding equal custody and time in their childrens lives is categorized as "Crazy". Would a Mother be treated this same way? I certainly doubt it and I don't want to hear shit about equality until my children and I see equality in the Family Court System.

Requests to see kids and violations of joint legal custody

Week of 2/19 - Requested visitation 2/23 - 2/24 denied desired time with children - Visited 12:30 PM Sat - 6PM Sun GRO, 12:30 PM - 5PM EJO, 10AM - 6PM EJO, time was interrupted by Bridgette, Holly and Bridgette's mother

2/23 asked to see the kids, Bridgette would not let me

2/24 asked to discuss visitation/parenting time schedule, Bridgette refused

Week of 2/26 - Requested visitation 3/3 - 3/4 denied desired time with children, Bridgette said can't have son overnight, visited 2 PM Sat - 5 PM Sun GRO, 2PM - 7PM EJO Sat, 8AM - 5PM Sun EJO Requested children Friday afternoon through Sunday or early Saturday through Sunday, denied, stated "not happening" (weekend of 3/3 - 3/4)
3/4 - 3/5 - Requested to see kids Evening 3/9 - 3/11 late afternoon, denied request, asked to see Thursday/Friday or any other day 3/6 - 3/16, Bridgette denied requests to see kids Bridgette took EJO away earlier than she said she would

3/9 - Asked to see kids anytime at all Fri-Sun, Bridgette told me no and that she had already told the kids they would be doing things with her and not seeing me

3/15 - Bridgette will not allow me the chance to see the kids at all between 3/19 - 3/29

3/19 - 3/29 Bridgette has refused to let me see the kids for any time during these dates when I asked

3/28 later Bridgette let me see the kids for a few hours on 3/28, this was another last minute change by her

3/21 - Bridgette will not allow me to have kids night of 27th even though they are all in the area, Bridgette allows her parents to put both kids to bed, but not me

4/6 - 4/8 On 3/28 or 27 Bridgette offered to let me see the kids on 4/6 - 4/8, a few days later she attempted to go back on this, I informed my attorney and pushed back, she went ahead with letting me see the kids

4/11 Drove to Harlan Iowa to have time with the kids for 3 hours, drove back home 200+ miles after the time together with the kids
4/18 Drove to Harlan Iowa to spend time with the kids, rented a hotel room so we had a place to play while it was cold outside
I stayed the night alone and drove to work in the morning, Bridgette won't allow overnight time outside court orders

4/19 - Bridgette informed me of scheduling a well child check without consulting me, she further noted if I objected she would change. I objected asking for a date and time I'd be able to attend, she never responded.

4/19 - Noted my concerns with therapist Bridgette unilaterally chose
4/22 - Noted my desire for new neutral therapist, no response
4/24 Bridgette and I now only do what is in the court order as we do not agree on anything Asked for more time with kids if I live in Harlan Bridgette said stick to court order, no additional time 4/25 - during custody exchange at Harlan in front of the police station I told Bridgette I wanted more parenting time, Bridgette responded by yelling she is a parent and I am not a parent
4/12 - 4/30 Bridgette refuses to let me have any additional time with the kids
4/12 - Reached out to Katrina Smith at Myrtue Medical center, stated my concerns about Bridgette unilaterally starting our daughters mental health treatment and making false allegations of abuse Katrina Smith avoided my concerns, but stated she liked both parents to be involved, I asked how I could best stay involved, as of 7/9 I have not received a response to this question

4/13 - Submitted faxed request for all medical records of daughter, resubmitted fax request at end of June, after reaching out to compliance officer (Ann) I finally got a response, Myrtue Medical will provide no mental health records and does not care about my concerns

5/1 - 5/31 On 4/24 Bridgette refuses to let me see the kids for any additional time outside of the minimal allowed by court orders, this is even though I have a residence in Harlan IA and am willing to move here to be closer to the kids

From 2/21 to 4/24 Bridgette has made unilateral decisions about the childrens well being, care, school and health visits, informing me of changes only after she decides what she wants to do without including me

Bridgette states starting 4/24 she will include me in decisions beforehand going forward. As of 7/9 this behavior on her part has not changed, she does as she wants without consulting me beforehand

5/18 - Bridgette unilaterally decided what to do concerning our daughters school and has stated SHE hasn't yet decided what to do with our son. She now indicates she's looking for work, no details provided. I am still denied first right of refusal, how are strangers or extended family caring for our children in the children's best interest?

5/27 - Told Bridgette I'd like to see the children more, no response

5/28 - Followed up, noted I'd like to go to counseling to find a way to see kids more, no response

5/28 - Proposed settlement agreement including shared care 2-2-3 schedule with children, atty K Davis said she would take to client

5/30 - Followed up, atty (K Davis) stated they would come back with a counter offer, as of 7/9 I have seen no counter offer or any communication regarding my original offer for settlement

6/14 - asked if I could see the kids any additional time in june, july, or august, Bridgette never responded

6/16 - 6/19 - after 3 days of asking Bridgette finally agreed to allow me 1 hour with our son on his Birthday

6/18 - Filed motion for appointment of GAL, custody evaluator, psychological evaluations and relief in the form of atty fees as Bridgette continues to refuses to discuss children's well-being, care, best interests
Asked Bridgette again for more time if living in Harlan myself, no response

6/19 - asked if Bridgette would discuss me having more time with the children if I lived in Harlan, no response

6/19 - Reached out to atty K Davis, K Davis stated I should communicate with Matthew (new atty) going forward, K Davis appears to be withdrawing from case

6/20 - Bridgette's new atty responded stating there is no evidence for need of GAL or other evals/fees

6/20 - Responded to Bridgette's new attys resistance to GAL appointment stating Bridgette accused me of being abusive and suicidal but now claims there's no need for investigations/evaluations, if her claims of abuse are true, why do we not investigate these claims with an impartial 3rd party to get to the truth?

6/26 - Notified Bridgette Myrtue Medical and Katrina Smith are impossible to communicate with, noted my desire for new counselor jointly chosen but us, followed up on 7/8, no response Bridgette receives regular updates from Katrina regarding progress of our daughter, I request updates but have received none, staff tell me they don't have to reach out to me with anything I've made attempts beginning in April to communicate with Katrina Smith, I've gotten no where Spoke to BHS staff, Deb the BHS Director, Ann the compliance officer Ann states they (Myrtue Medical) do not need to inform me of anything, communicate anything with me, or receive my consent for treatment of our child(ren) Myrtue Medical refuses to provide any informed consent information, any treatment information, any documents at all Myrtue Medical refuses to provide mental health records Myrtue Medical only responds via phone, I have received nothing in writing regarding refusals
Myrtue Medical alludes to providing me an update but never provides said update

7/4 Ann, Myrtue Medical Compliance Officer, stated she would schedule an update with Katrina, Ann later called back to tell me information I already had (Katrina is out of the office) Ann did not provide a date and time for an update, even though she said she would Ann further stated I should seek relief via the courts, Myrtue Medical is uninterested in hearing my concerns regarding not receiving my consent
7/8 followed up with Bridgette regarding counselor and Bridgettes violations of joint legal custody Bridgette has scheduled medical and mental health appointments and performed enrollments without consulting me beforehand, she does this without my consent Bridgette has unilaterally made all decisions for our childrens care, mental, medical, school, without including me or communicating to me before making decisions or appointments Stated in email that I will seek contempt (rule to show cause) if Bridgette does not start following joint custody order by 7/11/18

7/8 - when packing to take our children back to Bridgette for custody exchange our daughter told me she was sad, when I asked why she stated she was sad she didn't see me more often I reached out to Bridgette noting our daughters feelings, Bridgette did not respond, I again noted my desire to see our children more, no response from Bridgette I reassured our children I love them and look forward to seeing them again as soon as possible and none of this is their fault

7/8 - asked if I could see the children for 2 additional days in August, Bridgette said No

7/12 asked if I could pick the kids up earlier Friday to go to the Iowa Raptor Project with them, Bridgette said I can't pick them up any earlier than 4PM, that doesn't allow enough time to make it to IRP

7/12 asked if I could have the kids Sunday night to Monday morning, Bridgette said no

7/19 told the therapist/counselor in person that I do not agree to this method of counseling, that Bridgette is in defiance of the joint legal custody order, and that I want counseling to end, Katrina/Myrtue Medical refuses

7/24 No answer to phone call at 7PM, texted and emailed Bridgette asking if anything was wrong and noting call was missed because no answer, Bridgette did not respond

7/25 Asked to see the kids at 4PM, Bridgette said "Not Today", Bridgette provided no reason why and then showed up to custody exchange late

7/25 Asked to see the kids after court on 7/27, Bridgette responded on 7/26 and said she wasn't bringing the kids to Washington and I would have to pick them up in Des Moines at the normal time

As of 7/27 I have received no additional days or evenings with our children outside of what is provided in the court order, Bridgette answers no questions regarding time with the children or dissolution/settlement of marriage terms. No response is standard.

I have tried time and again to communicate, Bridgette either refuses requests for more time with our children or communication or simply ignores my attempts to communicate

Bridgette occasionally allows an additional 30-60 minutes of time with our children, nothing more since 2/21/18

40+ trips to Harlan since April with 1 hour of sleep, 500 miles roundtrip each time

Ripleys believe it or not

Web Hits